Beating ourselves up

Why do we punish ourselves for old regrets long after we believe God has forgiven us? The question stuck in my mind after a conversation with someone I’ll call TC.

TC described himself as being in recovery for multiple addictions. A couple of times he said, “My problem was forgiving myself. I found it a lot easier to believe God had forgiven me than to forgive myself for what I’d done.”

In some ways I knew what TC was talking about. Long after believing God had forgiven me, I have silently beaten myself up for doing things that embarrassed me and hurt others.

Is it up to us to forgive ourselves? Although I was willing to beat myself up for past wrongs, offering mercy to me seemed like playing God.

What surprised me is that TC helped me see that, without realising it, I was doing the very thing I thought I was trying to avoid. He said, “I have a friend who got on my case for acting like I was greater than God. This friend kept saying, ‘Who do you think you are, God Almighty? God forgives you.’”

The good natured prodding TC took from his friend helped me. Later, I remembered words of the apostle John, who wrote: “Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything” (1 John 3:19-20).

Why is it important to remember that God is greater than our hearts? John reminded us that when the sin we have already confessed continues to torment us, God sees more clearly than we do. He sees everything. He sees the wrong and the regret we have acknowledged. He sees the price He has paid to release us from that sin. He sees the trust we have put in His Son. He sees the good work He has started in our hearts (Philippians 1:6).

God also sees the people around us who are negatively affected as long as we continue to condemn ourselves. He knows that we will never be good at loving others as long as we refuse to let the love and forgiveness of God flush the guilt and shame out of our lives.

Every day of self-absorbed self-condemnation is a day spent robbing ourselves of the joy of a grateful heart. By contrast, every day lived in the freedom of forgiveness is a day spent praising God. Every hour lived in gratitude for forgiveness is a day spent loving others on God’s behalf.

Father in heaven, in our thoughtful moments we know You are greater than our hearts. You see infinitely more than we do. Please help us to use that freedom to love others as You have first loved us. – Mart De Haan

Adopted from the Been Thinking About article Beating Ourselves Up © 2011 RBC Ministries. Read more helpful articles like this one on the Web at beenthinking.org